Top 10 Positive's of "That Damn Freckle"

It's amazing how a cancer diagnosis changes you... regardless of the outcome, it changes you. Now that I've shared the tough part of my cancer story, it's time to change my tune & focus on the good that's come from this crazy journey. Here are the top 10 positive's "That Damn Freckle" has brought to my life:

10) KNOWLEDGE... Cancer has opened my mind to learning. I have gained so much valuable knowledge since my diagnosis, not just about cancer but about coping, prevention, awareness, supporting, fundraising, research, networking, etc. I read more, I pay attention more to the news & current events & I confidently initiate conversations about cancer-related topics with friends & strangers. I have also become more aware of my own body which I hope & pray will allow me to maintain a cancer-free life. I believe I am smarter because of cancer!

9) APPRECIATION... I've always been grateful for my family, my friends, my abilities, my experiences, etc. But, since my melanoma, I have taken on a whole new appreciation, not just for all those wonderful things but for my life as a whole. The saying "take time to smell the roses" really comes to life for me now... I appreciate the little things so much more & I appreciate how they've made me who I am. When I can see the beauty in the everyday things such as a smile or song lyrics, it makes me appreciate the big things like my amazing family & friends that much more!

8) PATIENCE... Patience is a virtue, or so the theory goes. We live in a world of instant gratification with texting, facebook, etc & we have come to expect instant results. With cancer, there is no such thing. Waiting for oncology lab results, waiting for your next doctor's appointment, waiting for your friend's next cancer update... all of this waiting tests your nerves, your mood & your patience. I have learned that no matter how much I wish for these things to be resolved quickly, it's out of my hands & I still have to live my life in the meantime. This has forced me to enjoy the now & develop more patience in my everyday life, which is definitely a virtue!

7) COMPASSION... compassion (n): a feeling of deep sympathy & sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. When I got my diagnosis, the compassion I received from family, friends & total strangers was immense... it made me feel loved, protected & hopeful. That compassion has continued over the last 3 years, as I have been supported in my personal efforts to remain cancer-free, to fight cancer & raise money for Relay for Life & to spread awareness & support in the cancer community. That compassion has also increased my ability to be compassionate. I am surrounded by people I care about who are going through their own cancer battles & my heart is even more open & supportive than it's ever been. Compassion spreads like wildfire... it feels awesome to give & receive it!

6) THE ABILITY TO INSPIRE... Sure, I always hoped I would make an impact on the world at some point in my life, but I never realized that I could. Recently I received one of the most heartfelt emails from a family friend. She heard my melanoma story from my mom & told family & friends... as a result, her husband & many others became more aware of their skin, had it checked & were able to catch their skin cancer early. She said, "Because of you & your Mom I know that there have been many "ripples" of outreach... friends & family telling friends & family... lots of people have ended up getting checked, & lives have been saved. You are a true inspiration and I thank you for all that you do!!" That's one of many messages like that I've received... to make an impact on people from simply telling my story is very humbling & very rewarding!

5) INSPIRATION... Receiving a cancer diagnosis stopped me in my tracks... it made me feel scared, helpless, angry & weak. Even after I was pronounced "ok" by the doctor I still had trouble moving forward. Fortunately, through the last 3 years of cancer experience I have reached out, met new friends, joined support groups & been lucky enough to be around some of the most inspiring people... ever. I have watched friends go through much more difficult cancer experiences than mine & still come out on top. I have seen them shed light on even the most incredibly negative situations. Their positive attitudes, undying determination & utter strength have inspired me to discover those qualities within myself. Being around them & even just thinking about them throughout my day makes me work harder, smile more & even run farther... I'm up to 6 miles now! It's amazing what all that positive energy can do!

4) RELAY FOR LIFE... August '10 was my 2-year cancer-versary & I wanted to "do something" to help the cause. Relay for Life would be one of the most life-changing experiences I'd ever have. I bonded with friends & met new friends, celebrated my cancer victory & gained a sense of where I fit into the cancer world. I met the friends that would become my fellow Committee members this year... I had the opportunity to be the 2011 Relay Committee Survivor Co-Chair & it was such an honor working closely with our 100+ Survivors to help make their Relay experience special & unique. I am also incredibly proud to say I was a top 10 fundraiser, raising over $1,900 & I led my team "SPF SHRINK!" to a top 10 finish, raising over $8,000! And, to top that off, our Relay raised over $241,000, making us #1 in Southern California out of 91 Relays & #16 in California out of 427 Relays!

3) NEW FRIENDS... If it wasn't for this journey, I wouldn't have met some of the most kickass people that I am now proud to call dear friends... Survivors, cancer fighters, advocates, supporters & volunteers. What's even more amazing is that some of them I've only met in the virtual cancer world of Facebook, yet I still feel a closeness to them that's indescribable! Through their continuous drive, spirit & dedication, this strong, brave, honest, generous, loving, inspiring group of people has motivated me to be a stronger, more positive person. Through their friendship, companionship & support they have given me a new perspective on life, love, friendship & hope that has changed not only how I think about cancer but also how I manage my own survivorship & fight back against the disease. These amazing friends have touched my life more than words can say & they will forever be in my heart... you guys know who you are!

2) PASSION... I always thought I had passion, for family, friends, art, music, sports & life in general. Cancer forced me to look inside myself & redefine the meaning of passion in my life. I still have passion for these things, but the last 3 years have made me realize that cancer is also my passion... sharing my story, bonding with fellow Survivors, raising money for cancer research, increasing awareness for cancer & cancer prevention, being an active member of cancer support groups like Stupid Cancer & mAss Kickers Foundation, volunteering for cancer charities like Relay for Life & last but not least, becoming part of a worldwide cancer community that is millions strong & fighting this fight together. This passion & self discovery has fueled a fire inside me that I didn't even know was there... I feel more alive now than ever & I am so excited to continue this momentum & see where it takes me!

1) I AM A SURVIVOR... Relay '10 was the first time I was ever referred to as a "Survivor"... wearing that SURVIVOR shirt among so many other Survivors was a very powerful feeling. I had always downplayed my experience because it was stage 1 cancer & I never had to have chemo or radiation like many of my friends. But, being celebrated as a Survivor & congratulated by total strangers made me realize I have something in common with everyone who's ever had cancer, a bond so special that it will connect me with these people for the rest of my life... regardless of our diagnosis, age, health or life story, we have all heard the words "You have cancer" at some point in our lives & it changed our lives & the lives of those we love forever. Cheers to all the Survivors out there... those whose fight is over, those who are still fighting & those whose fight has yet to begin. We are all Survivors. We share the same fears, the same hopes & the same spirit... we ARE in this fight together!!

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME, INSPIRED ME, LISTENED TO ME, LAUGHED WITH ME, CRIED WITH ME & LOVED ME THROUGHOUT MY CANCER JOURNEY... Having you in my life helped make this Top 10 possible...... Mom, Dad, Steph, Scott, Maddie, Abby, Grandma, Jim, Aummie, Poppie, DeAnn, Steve, Jessica, Lauren, Julie, Cheryl, Dick, Angie, Kay, Mike, Patty, Erica, Liz, Grace, Melissa, Amy, Charissa, Ligaya, Jenn, Heather, Amanda, Kyle, Eric, Amanda, Kevin, Arilda, Kat, Michelle, Zac, Christine, Rachael, Amanda, Gary, Rachel, Becky, Patti, Rebecca, Kelsey, John, Catherine, Gayle, Kari, Chris, Jenise, Kara, Blake, Liz, Amy, Jered, Cheryl, Mo, Willow, Tari, Tracy, Jocelyn, Kat, Emily, Michelle, Sue, Cortney, Aly, Julia, Banda, Katy, Rick, Andrew, Chuck, Bonnie, Will, Kim, Jessica, Matty, Biggs, Jason, Mikey, Bran, Dave, Otis, Mark, Scott, Tony, Heather, Matthew, Kenny, Stacey, Stacy, Rachel, Amanda, Kate, Arun, Brad, Karina, Klarissa, David, Mary, Angie, Kirstie, Frankie, Clint, Kristen, Jamie, Lindsay, Marina, Emily, Kristy, Kim, Nick, Gary, Mark, Cass, Rob, Benjamin, John, Kristi, Kelsey, Josh, Christine, Megan, Jen, Rachel, Colleen, Jessica, Jackie, Jeffery, Pilar, Avelyn, Larry, Kimmy, Brandon, JB, Betty, Marnie, Anne, Kathy, Maureen, Sara, Stella, Dick, MaryAnn, Mike, Nancy, Ginny, Lisa, Cathy, Karen Lee, Carl, Lois, Jan, Billie, Sue, Tom, Mike, Kenny, Sharon & anyone else I may have missed!! XOXO

Here's to the Good Stuff

I hate cancer. I wish it would be completely annihilated and the only thing I have wished cancer on is cancer itself. I never, ever want to say anything good about such a vile, invasive, life-stealing disease. I do, however recognize that there are things that have come out of my situation that are actually really positive. I’d like to take some time to recognize those thing and I have listed them below. Here’s to the good stuff, the good life and the things that cancer has done to me that have made me better.

1. Opening my eyes - In some ways I used to be so blinded by life, so caught up in the he said, she said, I have to have name brand clothing, material matters kind of world. As cliche as it may sound, none of that stuff matters. Really. It doesn't. My eyes are wide open and I can see that now.

2. Showing me that I can do ANYTHING - Yes,anything. The emotional turmoil of a cancer diagnosis was almost too difficult for me to process. The sudden sickness I felt when I heard the words, "you have cancer" made my spirit drown in a sorrow that I never imagined. That in itself was something I never thought I would have to overcome. But I did. Since then, I have become more adventurous and willing to try anything. I test my limits all the time and I have a long list of things I want to accomplish. And I will.

3. Showing me how to love - I was never a touchy-feely type of person. Hugging was awkward and saying I love you was weird. I wasn't raised in that type of a household and I rarely told the people I love exactly how I felt. That. Has. Changed.

4. Revealing my true passions - I don’t think I was ever truly dedicated to anything until after my cancer diagnosis. I think cancer makes you do a double take, or even a triple take and say “what am I really doing with my life?” That has turned out to be a really incredible thing for me. Passion is poetry in motion. It is the things I love all balled into one and creating an upbeat motivated lifestyle. Whether I’m raising funds for cancer related causes or running my heart into sunset I know that I’m doing it because I feel passionate about it.

5. Teaching me to dance through life – Yes. Dance. I’m not all about waking up on Monday morning and wishing it would go away anymore. I’m about embracing it and dancing through the day. We have all heard the phrase, “enjoy every day because you never know if it will be your last.” People say it all the time. But do they really do it? And do they comprehend the fact that someday we will all have a last day?

6. Reminding me to breathe – Do you breathe fully? Do you allow your mind to relax and take in the air around you? I do. Paying close attention to the way I am breathing has taught me so much about myself. I never realized how much panic I was causing myself in the past until I took the time to slow down, breathe in for five, hold and breathe out for five. Breathing helped get me through my diagnosis, the nerve wracking scans and the anxiety that tagged along. Breathing changes everything and I continue to use breath control in every part of my life.

7. Connecting me to the most amazing people on earth – The first thing I did when I was diagnosed was hunt down every single cancer survivor that I could find. I wanted to talk, vent, cry and physically see people surviving and thriving. I am glad that I did because I have been in the company of some really breathtaking individuals. I know amputees that are training for marathons and half marathons, people were not supposed to survive and did, survivors that remind me every day that we must continue to fight. There is always someone in my corner and for that I am beyond grateful. I am never lonely. Ever.

8. Giving me permission to feel sorry for myself every once in a while – I think lots of us put on a façade. We want to feel and be strong, no matter what. Cancer has taken me on a road full of potholes that I thought would never end. It has beaten my spirit down into a place called self pity time and time again. In some ways I think that’s been a good experience for me. I don’t think we ever reach our full potential until after we’ve been knocked down a few times. I know now that feeling blah about my situation and allowing myself to grieve is a totally acceptable and normal experience.

9. Letting me see the power in something like a good song - Power in a song? Yes, of course. After my cancer diagnosis, a fellow survivor emailed me some Youtube videos that helped him with his experience. Sharing both his experience and the music that helped him endure it was therapeutic. It was music that altered my mood at some of my low points. It is music that pushes me when I’m in the middle of a long distance run and all I want to do is quit. It is what I call “feel good” music that makes me think about the good stuff.

10. Showing me LIFE - Life isn’t just living. It isn’t just breathing and getting through the day. It isn’t waking up in the morning, going to work and going to bed at night. Life is the sunrise on the way to work, the people you interact with at at work, the relationships you form throughout the days and making sure to say I love you to the people that make your heart feel good. That’s life. And I can thank cancer for showing me that.

Did I forget to say "Thank You"?

Breast cancer sucks. But I gained much more from it than I lost. Here are my top 10:

1. Realizing just how truly amazing my family is...not just my husband and kids, but my parents and brother and sister too. We grow up and have our own lives we sometimes forget to reconnect with the loved ones we grew up with.

2. All of the events for cancer! It's always fun to ride, fundraise, party, run, walk...for a good cause.

3. With all the cancer events I can now justify shopping for the new dress and the new running shoes.

4. Having a voice to share a story that I know will help someone.

5. Improving my lifestyle and my family's to avoid known cancer carcinogens.

6. Becoming a member of the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls. My sisters keep it real.

7. Taking an active role in the community to help others.

8. Fighting the fight just months before my dear friend had to do it too. If she'd have been diagnosed first, we'd have fallen to pieces. :P

9. Having my husband become more social and attending all things cancer with me.

10. Finding a light and strength that I never thought I needed.

Top 10 "Thank Yous" After My Cervical Cancer Diagnosis

Cancer changed my life but I kicked its mAss. On the other hand I have to thank cancer for:

1. Showing me that I have an amazing husband that has determination and dedication and would not allow this horrible disease to defeat me.
2. Re-evaluating my priorities and opening my eyes to the beautiful world around me.
   
3. Becoming a warrior and meeting many other warriors, advocates and many new friends that understand what I had to endure.
4. Finding Tamika and Friends, Inc. - my new family.
5. Making me realize that I am stronger than what I thought.
6. Having a new mission that I tackle with passion and determination.
7. Making me aware of my health and learning to listen to my body.
8. Valuing my family and friends and telling them how much they mean to me all the time.
9. Making me a voice for those who don't have one.
10. And most of all, Thank you for making me the person I AM TODAY.
    

Top 10 Blessings Since Being Diagnosed With A Brain Tumor

Well, I started out down a dirty road

Started out all alone

And the sun went down as I crossed the hill

And the town lit up, the world got still

Tom Petty, Learning to Fly, Into the Great Wide Open 1991

1. Discovering the mAss Kickers Foundation and all of the incredible advocates, patients, survivors, and other organizations that are tied in with the MKF

2. Meeting the most dedicated doctor that I know, my neurologist, who will answer any call, text, or email no matter what time of the day or night I need her

3. Meeting the loving, energetic men and women that make up the Great Lakes Rangers and F.U.B.A.R. paintball teams

4. Gaining a greater understanding of the medical world around me which includes technology, doctors, treatment options, facilities, and diagnoses

5. Realizing how precious life is and how lucky I am to be alive

6. Providing me with experiences that taught me to be more patient with others

7. Teaching me to take charge of my life and make decisions that best suit my needs

8. Forcing me to listen to my body even if I'd like to pretend that I'm 100% healthy at all times

9. Allowing me to realize that no matter how bad a situation might seem, there is always someone worse off
10. Realizing that life is more than sports and school; it’s about relationships and the impact that you make on the world around you

Top 10 list of Brain Tumor "Thank Yous"

Hey Brain Tumor, Thanks For:

1. Introducing me to so many incredible survivors, organizations, and advocates.
2. Messing up my balance and coordination, allowing me to get The mAss Kicker Mobile
3. Making me realize there is no good strategy to fight ALL tumors. So we created one.
4. Teaching me that I can accomplish anything if I have a good plan.
5. Helping me appreciate all "the little things"
6. Allowing me to use my knowledge picked up in school to fight back against ALL tumors!
7. Forcing me to recreate myself and allowing me to use my creativity.
8. Pissing me off and forcing me to retaliate!
9. Making me more "immature" and allowing me to find humor in everything...
10. Giving me a new direction in life.