Affects of Tumors/Cancer on High School Relationships

Visions of grandeur,
Rolling across state lines,
Midnight fits for exit,
Navy skies, perfect time

Outasight, Catch Me If You CanFurther EP, 2010

Having a brain tumor has created some awkward situations for me in the dating department, but nothing serious. My biggest concerns when dating someone have always been when to introduce the medical aspect of my life and how much to disclose. Luckily, having a tumor/cancer doesn’t pose as much of a deal breaker for high school students in relationships. Generally speaking, high school students don’t really think about tumor/cancer related topics. It’s pretty safe to say that high school students know someone or at least know “someone who knows someone” who is affected by cancer, but most high school students aren’t concerned with cancer because teens with tumors/cancer don’t appear to be very prevalent to the general public.

The most frustrating situation is when it comes to being out at a party or on a date and not being able to "stay up late" or stay out past 10:30-ish pm. If I don’t get enough sleep, it’s fairly likely that I’ll have some sort of a headache or seizure the next day. Most people describe me as “chill,” but from the Keppra I’m more than likely just really tired. It’s not very fun to always have to be the first person to leave, but I try to start my nights earlier, that way when they end earlier they’ve lasted longer.

I find myself rummaging through my backpack or purse looking for a something and pulling out a bottle or bag of pills and having to explain why I carry them around with me on a weekly basis hahah. I usually forget to turn off the 5:30pm Keppra alarm on my phone while in the movies too, which leads to apologizing for leaving my phone on, usually later leading to explaining why I have an alarm set for 5:30pm in the first place. Besides those two common situations and sleep stipulations, I’m lucky to say that my medical history doesn’t impact my dating life that much.

I wrote a guest blog for the Children’s Brain Tumor Foundation earlier this month that gives advice geared towards the high school/college aged dating thrivers out there..check it out!

How has cancer positively or negatively affected your relationships?

I’m glad February is the shortest month of the year.  February is associated with my least favorite Hallmark Holiday, Valentine’s Day.  Before my brain tumor diagnosis, I was a pretty active guy.  You would rarely catch me at home, however, I was more into “hanging out” with girls rather than “dating.”  I never liked labels.  I had just gotten out of a 7-year relationship when I moved to San Diego, and I was in a new and exciting city as a young professional fresh out of physical therapy school. I’ll admit I was having a lot of fun!  When I got diagnosed, all my close friends and family were back home in Michigan.  I made plenty of friends when I moved out to San Diego, but the friends that stood by me during my recovery were something else.  They became my San Diego family.  For that, I’ll forever be grateful!  I decided to stay in San Diego because most of my friends in Ann Arbor, MI were gone.  I would have had to move back home with my parents if I didn't have insurance, but I decided that I should stay in San Diego to take advantage of all the rehab opportunities here in San Diego.  My parents decided to split time to be with me in San Diego and Michigan, which ultimately lead to their divorce.  The tension in their relationship had been building for years. Their decision to get a divorce was shocking but not surprising.  I’m still very close with both parents, and I don’t hold ill will towards either of them.  I’m glad they finally did it for both their sakes. For my brother and me, the divorce was much easier to handle as adults rather than kids.  I sincerely hope they are both happier now!

As for my current relationship status, I have no time to date.  My priorities are:

•   My personal rehab
•   mAss Kickers Foundation
•   Traveling
•   My hobbies: sports, reading/writing, movies/videos
•    My family’s/friend’s well being
•  My Spirituality 
•  Hanging out/relaxing

This doesn’t leave much room for an active dating life.  HAHAHA!  Couple the above priorities with post treatment fatigue issues = no dating scene for me!  Relationships are just another thing that I don’t want to waste my energy worrying about.  I don’t have the energy to deal with added drama in my life because my plate is already full!  I’m not sure other survivors/thrivers feel the same.  It will be interesting to read everyone’s thoughts.  I’m curious to get their take on relationships.