Look For the Good

Things that I try to live by and integrate into my daily life to create positivity. You have the option to dive, survive, or thrive. Choose to thrive.

That Damn Freckle... PART II

August 1st I proudly celebrated my 3-year "cancer-versary"... 3 years since melanoma entered my life, 3 years since my surgery & 3 years of being cancer-free! I've been waiting for the right time to tell you PART II of my story... well, it's time.

Cancer changes you... PERIOD.

Post-surgery: My body was clear of any cancer, so I was "ok"... right? I could just go back to my life like nothing happened... right? Everyone congratulated me & simply moved on with their lives. Meanwhile I was stuck in a dark, lonely, unfamiliar place. At age 30, I was already a statistic... I had had cancer. Where did that put me in the scheme of the world? Was I supposed to feel normal now? And, what the hell is normal after cancer anyway?

Was I a victim or just unlucky? I didn't have to go through chemo or radiation because it was stage 1 cancer, so I didn't feel "worthy" of people's pity. But, I had still received a cancer diagnosis & I still had to live with the fact that there was a 1 in 20 chance that damn freckle could pop up again in the same place, or worse, internally... so I did feel i was entitled to a sense of "why me?"

Would I live in the dark the rest of my life? I lived in sunny San Diego & suddenly I couldn't just enjoy the sun like everyone else. I was pissed off & paranoid. Why can't I layout at the beach? How much sun is too much? Will I be pale forever? As vain as it sounds, I didn't realize how much those beloved tan lines were a part of my everyday life & my self esteem until that option was taken away from me.

Over the last 3 years, however, I've been coming to terms with all this & I have found ways to shed a positive light on my cancer experience. I've discovered & immersed myself in amazing organizations like American Cancer Society Relay for Life, Stupid Cancer & mAsskickers Foundation (the brains behind this blog). I've had the honor of meeting the most kickass group of young Survivors & cancer advocates & I have gained so much perspective & inspiration from their friendships... you guys know who you are!!

I've allowed myself to heal not only physically, but emotionally as well. I realized that what I went through was worthy of all the anger, fear & sadness that followed. I no longer feel the need to downplay the fact that I had stage 1 cancer & I've found strength in knowing that I beat it! I feel united with anyone who's ever heard the words "you have cancer" & I have made it my personal mission to stand by them, support them & honor them in every way I possibly can. And, most importantly, I have embraced the fact that thanks to that damn freckle I AM A SURVIVOR & I am damn proud of it!!

Cancer changed me... PERIOD.

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"That Damn Freckle... PART I" - July 13, 2011

It's hard for me to simplify the last 3 years of my life... so, if you're reading this I sincerely appreciate your willingness to hear PART I of my story. It was the Summer of 2008 & I had been happily living & working in San Diego for almost 2 years. Life was good... That June, my mom noticed something on my left calf when my parents were visiting me in San Diego for the US Open. From across the room she saw that damn freckle & asked me how long it had been there... I told her I'd seen it when I was shaving my legs but hadn't really thought anything of it. I mean, I knew the danger signs & it didn't match up to any of them... it wasn't asymmetrical, raised, large in diameter, bleeding, etc, etc. In fact, the only thing that made that damn freckle different from the hundreds of other freckles on my body was that it was black... all my other freckles were various shades of brown. But, for some reason that damn freckle gave my mom a bad feeling -- & my mom doesn't freak out about anything -- so I promised her I'd get it looked at as soon as I could. So, on Friday, July 11, after a carefree, sun-filled vacation with my ex-boyfriend, I went to see my primary care physician for the first time. Lucky for me he was not only very cool but also very thorough... AND, I had great health insurance. I showed him that damn freckle & nervously laughed as I told him the story of my mom's worrysome discovery. Based on the lack of danger signs, he too thought it was nothing of concern. But -- & I'm thankful everyday for this but -- he said, "If it'll make your mom feel better, I can biopsy it." So, he shaved that damn freckle right off, put a band-aid on my leg & sent me on my way. I had a happy hour to go to after all... & that band-aid wasn't going to stop me! A week & a half went by & still no word from the doctor... they always say "no news is good news" but something just didn't seem right. Finally, on Wednesday, 7/23, I got a call from the nurse on my way home from work... "The doctor would like you to come in ASAP so he can review your biopsy results with you." I knew that was a bad sign. I started to panic & begged her to tell me what was going on. Why did they need me to come in? Should I be worried? Why couldn't she just tell me everything was ok? After insisting she couldn't tell me over the phone, she put me on hold. I guess she got the doc's permission to tell me because when she came back on the line she said the 3 words that would haunt me til this day... "IT'S A MELANOMA." The next week was a total blur... breaking the news to my family, lots of crying, scheduling my first oncologist appointment, shame, emotional phone calls with family & friends, internet research, anger, a likely stage I diagnosis, sleepless nights, denial & complete & utter confusion. How can I have cancer? What does this all mean? How bad is it? Does stage I mean I shouldn't be worried? Aren't I too young for this? Is it my fault? What's the oncologist going to say? Does cancer automatically mean chemo? Will I be allowed to be in the sun again? What if it spreads? Am I going to die? My imagination filled my mind & heart with fear that took me on an emotional rollercoaster I couldn't have prepared myself for no matter how hard I tried. Friday, August 1 was my surgery... the oncologist cut a chunk out of my leg, both around & under where that damn freckle had once been, just to make sure the surrounding tissue was clear. Fortunately there was no pain... I would just be left with a dent in my leg & a lovely scar. After a very long week of waiting for results, we were given good news: CLEAR MARGINS. It was confirmed as stage I melanoma, the cancer cells hadn't spread internally & my lymph nodes were all healthy. I was physically "cancer free"... Little did I know that emotionally the cancer would stick with me for the next 3 years...Stay tuned for PART II...

Guest post: Dr. Tanya Kormeili

TIME TO KICK SOME MELANOMA MASS!

May is Skin Cancer Awareness Month. So -- what makes Melanoma such a dangerous and unique cancer?

The answer is this: Melanoma kills young people who can be otherwise healthy. It doesn’t care if you are Black, White, Middle Eastern, Latina or Asian! That’s the dangerous part, and it’s unique because we can often see it with the naked eye, and it’s curable. So this is one cancer we should be talking about!

Let me get medical for a second: Melanocytes, the pigment cells on our skin, are actually made near the primitive spine of the embryo, and travel all the way to the skin. Once they reach the skin, they are in charge of producing the pigment in our skin, which you may have heard of - called melanin. Ethnic people produce more melanin, but everyone has melanocytes in about the same number.

So, what happens when these cute pigment-producing melanocytes go bad? The answer is the scariest type of skin cancer called melanoma!  The same way those cells found their way to the skin as an embryo, they can start to spread its way back through the body and fill other organs with tumor cells.

There is a LOT we can do about melanoma.  Here is what you can do to fight the good fight:

1. Protect yourself and the people you love from the sun. UV rays can cause DNA damage to the melanocytes and turn them “bad” (cancerous). I’m not popular for saying “no tan is a healthy tan”, but it’s true! Slather SPF lotion on and find shade if you’re in the sun. Got a loved one? Remind them to do the same.

2. Look at your body, especially any moles! Learn the ABCDE’s of melanoma and spot any new or changing moles: you’re looking for Asymmetry, Border, Color, Diameter and Evolving changes (for more detail on each of these, go here). Look at your loved ones too and share what you’ve learned. There are angles of their body that you can see (such as their back) that they simply can’t. If you check your bodies frequently, you’re more likely to notice changes as they happen, or a mark that wasn’t there before.

3. Get a skin cancer check!  A skin cancer check with an expert is quick and easy, and is part of a good health regimen.  Have a qualified dermatologist look at your skin for any suspicious lesions and those “hard to reach” areas!

Melanoma is amazing in that it is 100% curable if diagnosed early and treated properly. Unfortunately, as we all know, most cancers don’t give us this chance. We have an opportunity here to catch this cancer before it can spread rapidly and leave the skin, or metastasize to another body part. Let’s catch melanoma while it will still respond to treatment. Or, as we say at MKF, let’s kick some mAss, shall we?!

Dr. Tanya Kormeili is an internationally recognized dermatologist practicing in Santa Monica.  She is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Dermatology at UCLA’s David Geffen School of Medicine and Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and a proud supporter of mAss Kickers Foundation! Please visit www.DrTKDerm.com for more information on melanoma and how to prevent it.

Pictures with Meddies

"The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise." 

- Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

I was introduced to the term Meddie late one night after a long day at the hospital and a very scary cancer diagnosis.  I drove home from the hospital, vomited, made a million promises to myself and emailed the online Thyca support group for people with Medullary thyroid cancer.  There, I vented and spilled my details to complete strangers.  Those strangers called themselves Meddies and they are the people who carried me through that very difficult night.  I can never forget that.

The thing about Meddies is that we're given something in life that kicks us really hard in the heart every so often and it usually happens when we least expect it.   Our disease never truly leaves our bodies or ourselves.  We're trying to keep up with our normal  lives and  a chronic cancer condition, but balancing tumors and scans with holidays and dinner every night can really slap you silly  sometimes.  We live very abnormal normal lives and finding people in our everyday world that can digest the unpredictable details isn't always easy.  Meddies are some of the only people who have taken my road.  They get it.  I turn to them with the heavy stuff.

The other thing about Meddies is that we don't accept what some would label as incurable.  We live our lives with cancer tucked away inside of our thoughts, but keep our hope afloat.  We lend each other advice, advocate and write letters to the FDA.  We run ride and hold fundraisers, relay and stay involved and informed when it comes to treatment.  We educate ourselves and each other.  We share our successes and our sadness.  We come from every part of the Earth, but we're all in the same place.  We all want the same thing.  A cure.  Life.  

I have had the opportunity to meet several members of my Meddie family in person over the past three years.  It's always like running into a good friend and I almost always make sure we have our picture taken together.  I love our pictures because I think our togetherness and tenacity shine through in each and every one of them.

I love my Meddie family and While I wish with every piece of myself that we didn't have to  be a Meddie family, I'm so grateful for them.  I know that together we are leaving a large footprint on this earth.  I know that we're impacting the Medullary community, the cancer community and the world in ways we could not have anticipated.  And I know that this world's going to be better off because we were a part of it.  Our hope lies within ourselves and we all know that. 

Bloggers from CTCA Blogger Summit 2012

CTCA Blogger Summit in review
Cancer Treatment Centers of America: http://www.cancercenter.com/

Rob: http://www.robcares.com/ - Excellent resource for caregivers
Robyn: http://www.cancerhawk.com/ - Your one stop shop for cancer resources
Alex: http://www.theworldaccordingtoalexandra.com/ - The funny side of cancer
Reagan: http://www.thecancerdocuments.blogspot.com/ - Kicking colon mAss and taking names
Diane: http://doublewhammied.com/ - The witty, real deal on living with cancer

CTCA Blogger Summit 2012

If you wanna build your love up, put your hate down
Ooh, that's the only way to live

Turnin' negatives to positives
Chris Rene, Young Homie2012

This past weekend a group of bloggers including myself were flown out to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America's Western Regional Medical Facility in Goodyear, AZ. Our group of survivors and caregivers varied in age and tumor/cancer experiences, but one thing we all shared in common was skepticism about how different Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA) could really be. Although CTCA has facilities popping up all over the map in places like Illinois, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, and Arizona, I had actually never heard of them until this summit, and I wasn’t the only one. We bloggers spent a few days learning about what CTCA, hearing from patients and professionals involved with CTCA, and decided for ourselves what CTCA had to offer.

CTCA prides itself on treating the person with the cancer, not just the cancer. Employees at CTCA are referred to as stakeholders, because each person working for CTCA has a stake in the lives of the patients and is involved in patients’ treatment one way or another. CTCA operates as an all digital cancer treatment center, which translates into patients getting faster results with fewer errors along the way. “Whole-body” treatment is the most outright difference between CTCA and other treatment centers; CTCA offers nutrition, naturopathic and mental health specialists as a part of the patient’s “team,” instead of just focusing on killing cancer. A care manager, who is typically an oncology nurse, quarterbacks the team of doctors and specialists for the patient, and the patient has overarching leadership in their treatment process. This team works together to figure out what they can do for the patient, rather than what they can do to the patient.

CTCA puts a HUGE emphasis on nutrition, and rightfully so. Maintaining weight and paying attention to diet is critical for patients in the midst of battling the chemo monster. The chefs at CTCA make it easy for patients to find a way to start eating regularity again through their determination to find out what fits best for each patient, whether that food is a personalized smoothie or a healthier rendition of mac n’ cheese. Imagine that, individualized care. The food at CTCA was both nutritious and delicious, but the healthy buzz wore off Sunday morning when I had Sonic for lunch though..hehe.

Notable facility attributes:The library upstairs was full of cancer patient and caregiver literature for any cancer or concern you could think of. I took full advantage of these materials and brought quite a bundle back home. There is also a pharmacy on the first floor of the facility, making running an errand to fill a script one less thing for patients to worry about. The lodging for patients and family members were beautiful as well, and looked more like hotel suites than hospital rooms. CTCA was designed so that patients would feel at home, and I think their most effective implementation of minimizing the dreaded “hospital feel” is **the absence of an intercom system**. Patients don't have to worry about hearing a doctor paged at 3am when they're trying to sleep.

Strengths of CTCA based off of quotes from the patient panel:
TIME: "Time is your enemy if you have cancer" – So true. You lose time when you're trying to coordinate all of your appointments in different locations. CTCA can cut down on wasted time spent in hospitals and running across town to appointments at numerous locations. CTCA is your one stop shop for surgery, chemo, radiation, nutrition, therapy, and rehab. Patients even save time on their visits by checking in on their car ride to CTCA from the airport, that way treatment can commence as soon as they walk in the door.

CONFIDENCE: "It would not enter my mind to go anywhere else now. It's not even an option" – When patients are that confident in their treatment center, you know CTCA must be doing something right. Panelists talked about how their experience was so positive at CTCA that they didn’t want to leave after their treatment was over.

UNITY: “We are family” - Patient empowering programs like Cancer Fighters led by giant teddy bears like a man named Blas that I met make sure that patients are connected one-on-one with mentors. These mentors typically have beat the same cancer or are able to discuss similar treatments and interests. By keeping patients connected, whether they’re in the beginning or final stages of treatment, patients are reminded and reassured that they are not alone.

General downsides to CTCA:
INSURANCE: CTCA does not treat patients with Medicare/Medicaid, which poses a serious problem to young adult patients who are diagnosed without health insurance.

(possibly) TRAVEL: Although CTCA pays to fly their patients cross country for treatment, boarding an airplane every other week could be taxing for patients in the midst of treatment. I think it’s up to the patient to determine if the doctors and standard of care are worth the trip.

As the summit wrapped up Saturday afternoon and I took in the stories that the panel of caregivers and survivors shared, my heart swelled. The stories connected everyone in the room because we all “got it.” We all understood how tumors/cancer disrupts your life and how scary a diagnosis can seem. The panel testified to the light that’s starting to emerge for tumor/cancer patients in the healthcare because of CTCA; CTCA is “built on hope,” and I left CTCA with the hope that one day all patients will be treated with the utmost compassion, dignity, and respect, regardless of where they receive care. My biggest takeaway from Cancer Treatment Centers of America’s Blogger Summit is the realization of how flawed other treatment centers are without a holistic approach to treating cancer patients’ needs.

Stay tuned for a video talking about the mAss Kickers that I met in AZ!

"Pack the Place", San Diego

San Diego, California  USA  On March 21 2012, mAss Kickers Foundation hosted the 1st "Pack the Place" FUN-raiser at Bootlegger in downtown San Diego under the leadership of Amanda James, Lindsay Hawley of LMH Promotions, and Lilly Ghahremani of Lucky 13 Strategies.  The purpose of the event was to bring everyone together to put up a strong front against ALL TUMORS!  Represented at the event were numerous family and friends, representatives from Stupid Cancer - San Diego, Relay For Life - San Diego, Leukemia and Lymphoma Society - San Diego, and many leaders in the local San Diego Community.  

The event was fueled by generous "in-kind" donations for the raffle from:  Car2Go, Core Power Yoga, Fit Athletic, Undisputed Gym, Downtown San Diego, Rubicon Deli, Bootlegger, LS Skincare.

The majority of the funds raised will benefit local mAss Kickers Foundation San Diego Events!  There is a Charity Kickball Tournament planned in May, a Patient Research Education Seminar planned in July, and an International TUMORS SUCK Day event planned in October.

Thank you for your continued support of mAss Kickers Foundation.  Please keep an eye on us!  We have some exciting things planned the rest of the year!