Affects of Tumors/Cancer on High School Relationships

Visions of grandeur,
Rolling across state lines,
Midnight fits for exit,
Navy skies, perfect time

Outasight, Catch Me If You CanFurther EP, 2010

Having a brain tumor has created some awkward situations for me in the dating department, but nothing serious. My biggest concerns when dating someone have always been when to introduce the medical aspect of my life and how much to disclose. Luckily, having a tumor/cancer doesn’t pose as much of a deal breaker for high school students in relationships. Generally speaking, high school students don’t really think about tumor/cancer related topics. It’s pretty safe to say that high school students know someone or at least know “someone who knows someone” who is affected by cancer, but most high school students aren’t concerned with cancer because teens with tumors/cancer don’t appear to be very prevalent to the general public.

The most frustrating situation is when it comes to being out at a party or on a date and not being able to "stay up late" or stay out past 10:30-ish pm. If I don’t get enough sleep, it’s fairly likely that I’ll have some sort of a headache or seizure the next day. Most people describe me as “chill,” but from the Keppra I’m more than likely just really tired. It’s not very fun to always have to be the first person to leave, but I try to start my nights earlier, that way when they end earlier they’ve lasted longer.

I find myself rummaging through my backpack or purse looking for a something and pulling out a bottle or bag of pills and having to explain why I carry them around with me on a weekly basis hahah. I usually forget to turn off the 5:30pm Keppra alarm on my phone while in the movies too, which leads to apologizing for leaving my phone on, usually later leading to explaining why I have an alarm set for 5:30pm in the first place. Besides those two common situations and sleep stipulations, I’m lucky to say that my medical history doesn’t impact my dating life that much.

I wrote a guest blog for the Children’s Brain Tumor Foundation earlier this month that gives advice geared towards the high school/college aged dating thrivers out there..check it out!

How has cancer positively or negatively affected your relationships?

I’m glad February is the shortest month of the year.  February is associated with my least favorite Hallmark Holiday, Valentine’s Day.  Before my brain tumor diagnosis, I was a pretty active guy.  You would rarely catch me at home, however, I was more into “hanging out” with girls rather than “dating.”  I never liked labels.  I had just gotten out of a 7-year relationship when I moved to San Diego, and I was in a new and exciting city as a young professional fresh out of physical therapy school. I’ll admit I was having a lot of fun!  When I got diagnosed, all my close friends and family were back home in Michigan.  I made plenty of friends when I moved out to San Diego, but the friends that stood by me during my recovery were something else.  They became my San Diego family.  For that, I’ll forever be grateful!  I decided to stay in San Diego because most of my friends in Ann Arbor, MI were gone.  I would have had to move back home with my parents if I didn't have insurance, but I decided that I should stay in San Diego to take advantage of all the rehab opportunities here in San Diego.  My parents decided to split time to be with me in San Diego and Michigan, which ultimately lead to their divorce.  The tension in their relationship had been building for years. Their decision to get a divorce was shocking but not surprising.  I’m still very close with both parents, and I don’t hold ill will towards either of them.  I’m glad they finally did it for both their sakes. For my brother and me, the divorce was much easier to handle as adults rather than kids.  I sincerely hope they are both happier now!

As for my current relationship status, I have no time to date.  My priorities are:

•   My personal rehab
•   mAss Kickers Foundation
•   Traveling
•   My hobbies: sports, reading/writing, movies/videos
•    My family’s/friend’s well being
•  My Spirituality 
•  Hanging out/relaxing

This doesn’t leave much room for an active dating life.  HAHAHA!  Couple the above priorities with post treatment fatigue issues = no dating scene for me!  Relationships are just another thing that I don’t want to waste my energy worrying about.  I don’t have the energy to deal with added drama in my life because my plate is already full!  I’m not sure other survivors/thrivers feel the same.  It will be interesting to read everyone’s thoughts.  I’m curious to get their take on relationships. 

"You will begin to touch heaven, Jonathan, in the moment that you touch perfect speed. And that isn’t flying a thousand miles an hour, or a million, or flying at the speed of light. Because any number is a limit, and perfection doesn’t have limits. Perfect speed, my son, is being there.”

- Richard Bach (Jonathan Livingston Seagull)

I never stuck with a New Year's resolution. Never. And I don't think any of my resolutions have ever been authentic. At least not until 2011.

2011 was different. Completely different. That ball dropped and I knew the year ahead of me would take on a whole new meaning. I made several promises to myself and I planned on keeping each and every one of them. I deserved it.

On January 29, 2012, I fulfilled my biggest promise and it was amazing to say the very least. I crossed the finish line of the ING Miami marathon a little after noon. Outside, I smiled while mentally I crossed an item off of my bucket list. I do not have the right words to describe the feelings that moved with me across that finish line, but they left me in awe.

Miles 1-5 greeted me with a cloudy and imperfect, but incredible sunset. Mile 10.5 surrounded me with a sea of people: runners, spectators and costumed characters. Mile 20 beat the crap out of me. It was the most difficult for me by far. Mile 24 gave me a boost and I ran my best splits for the next two miles. Mile 26 was living. Speed did not matter. Neither did anything else in the world at the time. Not even cancer. Nothing else mattered. What mattered was that I was here. In this moment. Running. And finishing. Being here was perfect.

I never had the confidence to even try to complete a full marathon until a year ago. I'm glad that changed. At some points, it hurt like hell and all I wanted to do was stop. But I kept going. I remember the humidity settling onto my skin at mile 2 and how sticky it was. And I remember the sudden sense of good energy that seeped into my soul toward the end of the race as I realized that I was finishing. It was one of those rare life moments when good, hard work meets accomplishment and inspiration. Not only was it indescribable, it was unforgettable.

Be the Change

Snow Patrol, Called Out In The DarkFallen Empires, 2011

We are listening and we're not blind,

This is your life, this is your time

I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions. Why pick a certain time of the year to set forth new goals? Why not think of and achieve new goals every day? I don’t like the idea of setting new goals at the start of the year because to me, it doesn’t take the start of a new year to start over. We as people are constantly reinventing ourselves, discovering new things, and solving problems. I set goals and expectations for myself every day to some extent, so I don’t really feel the need to designate a certain time of the year to put new behavior or habits into action. I think we’ve all heard the phrase “new year, new you,” but that phrase doesn’t mean much to me; there isn’t a designated time frame on our lives, anything could happen at any moment, so why constrict ourselves to only being motivated to take action at the start of the new year?

I wouldn’t say that I have a specific New Year’s resolution, but I have been working on a few things since my last post. I’ve been trying to spend more time figuring out what is going on in the world around me, thinking about others, what I can do to help them, and the power of positive energy. Thinking about these things gives me a greater appreciation of how lucky I have been in life despite certain circumstances. Keeping those things in mind, 2012 will be my year of leading by example. As Mahatmas Gandhi often said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” We can all be that change in 2012 with some time and effort!

Consistency is Key!

It's hard to believe we're already almost half-way through January; 2012 is officially underway. We're entering that pivotal time when the routine has returned, the festivities have died down, and the resolutions are being tested. Have you kept yours up for these two weeks? It's fascinating to note that 20% of people let their resolution go once February hits and 82% of people have made the same resolution before.

(source)

We can approach those statistics with humor, or we can think on what that says about our character, drive, and attitudes. It speaks to how hard it is for us to stick with goals. In everything - be it exercise, studying, or life - consistency is key.

But what about as it relates to people? Is it important to be consistent with others? Definitely. And that's a part of my "resolution" for the year.

Let me first say that I'm not much of a resolution maker. As a personal trainer, I'm continually reminding clients of their goals, but truth be told, I operate on a more general framework than setting specific goals and resolutions for myself. While everyone is different, resolutions make me feel claustrophobic and tightly bound; I can't remember the last time I made one on New Year's Eve. Instead, I choose to focus on a new direction, path, or theme that I want to see in my life each year. And whether you're setting a goal or choosing a direction, consistency again is key if you want to see change and forward movement.

My theme for 2012 is "I am second," which centers around my desire to put my relationship with Jesus and others first, my needs and wants being second to others'. Life is too short for me to be selfish with my time, and I have received too much to put myself first. Moreover, as I reflect on the last year, I'm amazed at the many incredible stories I've heard from survivors across North America and am motivated to keep their stories in the forefront of my mind. I desire to be a consistent friend to those who have shared so much with me. Consistency in relationships means lasting bonds, and while I do believe that people come into your life for different seasons of time, it's still important to put work into each relationship and invest in others.

As a supporter to my survivor husband, I am continually reminded that people count above all else, and I am so grateful for his life and health post-treatments. But it's still far too easy for me to put myself first and be self-serving, and this is an area in all my relationships I want to consistently practice the principle of being a stronger second.

(source)

This is my focus: to be second, to be second with consistency! Whether you're in the middle of treatments, just coming through them, or have been clear of your cancer or tumor for years now, my challenge to you is to ask yourself: What can I be more consistent in this year? It might be small steps like choosing to consistently eat a healthy breakfast every day or drinking more water. It might be committing to an exercise program (whether that's simply a walk around the block or joining a gym) and actually sticking with it this time. Or, it could be more consistency in your relationships. Either way, we could all use a dose of consistency in our lives!

Here's to a fresh start to the year ahead - a year in which we commit to be consistent. Live well & be well, friends,

Bonnie

Bonnie is a mobile personal trainer in Calgary, Alberta and blogs about living a healthy lifestyle and offers fitness tips at her website, Life to the Full. She also leads outdoor adventure trips with her husband Mike for young adult cancer survivors. For more info, please visit: Survive & Thrive Expeditions, Inc.

2012 New Year's Resolution - Galvez

A new year always brings with it hope. Every January, I rack my brain thinking of ways to make the coming year the best year of my life! That being said... I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a great year. In this time of personal reflection, I realized that I need to start taking better care of myself. With a health crisis/brain tumor under my belt, I have noticed that my eating habits have really degenerated over the last few years. Diet and Exercise need to play a large role in survivorship.  While I still am pretty religious about my exercise habits, I have noticed that I have developed some bad eating habits. Fried food, candy, and junk food have become my "escape" from reality. Bad habits are forming, but I can still do something about it. The new year is the perfect time to challenge myself again. I WILL EAT HEALTHIER IN 2012. I will eat more fruits and vegetables and less junk food. I'm not completely giving up junk food because that is CRAZY! I will however go with the healthier alternative when given a choice. A friend challenged me with a bet to improve my eating habits last month. I feel much healthier and I want to carry the momentum over to 2012 Most New Years resolutions don't stick.  I consider this more of a 2012 Personal Challenge to eat healthier, than a resolution.  I do realize that I may have physical limitations that I cannot control, but I can still prevent further health situations from arising.  Do you have any New Years Resolutions in 2012?

MD Anderson Brain Tumor Conference May 2011