Thursday, February 16, 2012

How has cancer positively or negatively affected your relationships?

I’m glad February is the shortest month of the year.  February is associated with my least favorite Hallmark Holiday, Valentine’s Day.  Before my brain tumor diagnosis, I was a pretty active guy.  You would rarely catch me at home, however, I was more into “hanging out” with girls rather than “dating.”  I never liked labels.  I had just gotten out of a 7-year relationship when I moved to San Diego, and I was in a new and exciting city as a young professional fresh out of physical therapy school. I’ll admit I was having a lot of fun!  When I got diagnosed, all my close friends and family were back home in Michigan.  I made plenty of friends when I moved out to San Diego, but the friends that stood by me during my recovery were something else.  They became my San Diego family.  For that, I’ll forever be grateful!  I decided to stay in San Diego because most of my friends in Ann Arbor, MI were gone.  I would have had to move back home with my parents if I didn't have insurance, but I decided that I should stay in San Diego to take advantage of all the rehab opportunities here in San Diego.  My parents decided to split time to be with me in San Diego and Michigan, which ultimately lead to their divorce.  The tension in their relationship had been building for years. Their decision to get a divorce was shocking but not surprising.  I’m still very close with both parents, and I don’t hold ill will towards either of them.  I’m glad they finally did it for both their sakes. For my brother and me, the divorce was much easier to handle as adults rather than kids.  I sincerely hope they are both happier now!

As for my current relationship status, I have no time to date.  My priorities are:
  •   My personal rehab
  •   mAss Kickers Foundation
  •   Traveling
  •   My hobbies: sports, reading/writing, movies/videos
  •    My family’s/friend’s well being
  •  My Spirituality 
  •  Hanging out/relaxing

This doesn’t leave much room for an active dating life.  HAHAHA!  Couple the above priorities with post treatment fatigue issues = no dating scene for me!  Relationships are just another thing that I don’t want to waste my energy worrying about.  I don’t have the energy to deal with added drama in my life because my plate is already full!  I’m not sure other survivors/thrivers feel the same.  It will be interesting to read everyone’s thoughts.  I’m curious to get their take on relationships. 


  1. It positively affected my attitude in my life but it took me a while to come to terms with it.. My boyfriend of three years abandoned me after my surgeries.. And it was just the worst timing.. I went back to state with him because he really wanted me there and then broke up with me two days after I moved into my apt.. He's an ass but it made me a lot stronger.. Now I'm just kicking some mAss in my recovery.. I'm doing amazing now..

    1. yikes! tumors/cancer def "complicate" relationships. in the end you find out who your real friends and family are... it's a "weeding out" process

  2. My boyfriend of 3 yrs also dumped me after my diagnosis... He hooked up with another woman during the week that I was having my first brain surgery (!) and when I got home from the hospital, he told me that she would be moving in with him.

    And after three brain surgeries & nearly 50 grand mal seizures (yes, 50) I have been a single gal for many years. It's pretty tough to find a guy who has the cojones to stick by a lady with a malignant tumor & a seizure condition... So I've decided not to wait around and have had a whole lot of adventures on my own in the past 14 years!! Just a few months ago I completed my goal of visiting all 50 US states :)

  3. the way i look at it is that he probably wasn't strong enough to be with you! hope you surround yourself with strong people. glad to hear you are doing well!


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